It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Dear god my vagina.
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