I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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