i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There's a naked man in my car right now.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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