we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
