He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
