he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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