We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
