my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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