therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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