i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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