you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Oh god it's open bar.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
