We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
