i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
