sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
