You made me cry and you don't even care
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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