Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
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