we have pet lesbian snakes
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize