I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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