If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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