I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
