He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
