So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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