hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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