why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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