you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
