They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
that may or may not have been my penis.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
