the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
