HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
