I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
