my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he puts the penis in happiness.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
