I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
