I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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