She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
