Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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