New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
