Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
