Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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