Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
