two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
