Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
