dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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