shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
