I'm drive I can fine osifer
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
