chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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