Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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