We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
