if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We are all done wearing pants today
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
