Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
