wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
