oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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