He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
