A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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