Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
