Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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