Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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