I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
