im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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