Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
