Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
