He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
