Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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