So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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