but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
