Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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