I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
cat food counts as protein by the way
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
