Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
