My room smells like vodka and shame
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
