The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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